What would you suggest your boss change in following message, Business Management

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What would you suggest your boss change in following message

Problem

Your boss wants to send out a brief company email welcoming employees who recently transferred from the Hong Kong branch to your department. These employees, all of whom are Hong Kong natives, speak English, but your boss asks you to review his message for clarity.

What would you suggest your boss change in the following message and why? Is this message audience centered? Why or why not? How would you redraft this message for clarity?

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Business Management: What would you suggest your boss change in following message

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