Early & Middle Adulthood Discussion
There are a multitude of decisions and accommodations married couples must make. To understand the challenges of this stage of development, create an imaginary marriage contract with a significant other or friend and share your experience (not the actual contract) with the group. The goal of the contract is to clearly define one another's expectations about marriage and identify areas of disagreement.
Some questions to address in the contract include:
Where will you live?
Where will you work? If one of you is promoted, what circumstances will affect your decision to take the promotion (including willingness to move far away)?
Do you agree on religion, and do you plan to affiliate with a church, synagogue, or mosque?
Do you plan to pursue more education or vocational training?
How will household chores be divided?
Do you plan to rent or buy a house?
Will finances be combined or kept separate? How will money be managed?
How will you spend holidays (for example, split holidays between both sides of the family)? How much time will you spend with one another's families?
Do you plan to have children? If so, how many? Who will be in charge of child care? Will both parents continue to work after a baby is born? If so, who will take care of the child while you're at work? If not, who will stay home?
Do you agree on how to discipline children? Where will your children go to school? Do you plan to send your children to college?
What will you do together, and separately, in terms of leisure-time activities?
How will you handle marital conflict?
Will you have a prenuptial agreement? If so, how what will you include in it?
Once you have completed your contract, discuss the following:
1. What new things or disagreements did you discuss with your friend or partner?
2. Was this a challenging activity? Why or why not?
3. Would you actually use a contract like this?
4. How might making a contract like this during early adulthood impact you during middle adulthood?
Note: If you are already married, you can discuss these issues with your spouse to see if you truly agree or create a contract with a friend. Do NOT post the actual contract. Simply discuss your experience.