Problem: Kristof suggested that more strict background checks will help make gun ownership safer. According to Kristof (2019), Similar technological and behavioral solutions, such as increased background checks, trigger locks, and smart guns that recognize a thumbprint, can lessen the toll of gun violence. These features could help make gun ownership safer for everyone (Kristof, 2019, p.177). Cook (1994) mentioned in his article that he interpreted Professor Kleck's book "Guns and Violence in America," saying he ends his policy recommendations by supporting a modest expansion of controls rather than calling for repealing gun laws, including additional restrictions on who is allowed to own a gun and a requirement that federally licensed dealers conduct all gun sales and include a background check on the buyer (Cook, 1994, pp. 374-375). If a separate government department would issue business permits to sell guns more restrictedly, this could help make owning a gun safer.
Kristof suggested that more strict background checks will help make gun ownership safer. According to Kristof (2019), Similar technological and behavioral solutions, such as increased background checks, trigger locks, and smart guns that recognize a thumbprint, can lessen the toll of gun violence (Kristof, 2019, p.177). These features could help make gun ownership safer. The author explains ways to improve safe gun ownership and gives a few suggestions that could be implemented if the government makes time to review. Cook (1994) mentioned in his article that he interpreted Professor Kleck's book "Guns and Violence in America," saying he ends his policy recommendations by supporting a modest expansion of controls rather than calling for repealing gun laws, including additional restrictions on who is allowed to own a gun and a requirement that federally licensed dealers conduct all gun sales and include a background check on the buyer (Cook, 1994, pp. 374-375). Owning a gun would be safer if a different government agency issued licenses to businesses that sold guns under more stringent regulations. Owning a gun is a big responsibility. A person who purchased a gun should know how to own a gun responsibly, like driving a car. All these features will be useless if the driver is not careful and responsible.
I revised a few words. For example, in the sentence "These features could help make gun ownership safer for everyone," I removed "for everyone " to simplify the sentence. I also added another sentence in the paragraph to explain the quote the author mentioned. I think this sentence made my paragraph more transparent and understandable to my readers because I could explain the section I got from the author. I learned from revising that I get to think about what I have written while revising and learning the craft of writing through revision. Critical reading and revision go hand in hand; to conceptually revise a piece, one must be able to consider whether the message aligns with their writing goal. I had to rewrite or paraphrase some of my sentences to give a more straightforward meaning to them, like the last sentence in the paragraph.
From the essay above Comment specifically on the revision. Is the revision major or minor? Did it improve the writing? Share one piece of advice that can be helpful for future revision.