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How abusers use different tactics to manipulate and control


Assignment Task:

1. Abusers use different tactics to manipulate and control their victims, and we see these behaviors all the time in movies and TV shows. Here are some examples of how coercion plays out in different forms of media:

Isolation - One of the most common tactics is cutting the victim off from family and friends. In Sleeping with the Enemy (1991), the main character's husband keeps her completely isolated, monitoring her every move and making sure she has no outside support system.

Controlling Perceptions - This is when an abuser manipulates how the victim sees reality, often through gaslighting. A classic example is Gaslight (1944), where the husband slowly convinces his wife that she's losing her mind, making her completely dependent on him.

Creating a State of Exhaustion - When someone is constantly drained-physically or emotionally-they have less energy to resist control. In The Handmaid's Tale (TV series), women are forced into exhausting conditions with little rest, making them more vulnerable to control and compliance.

Threats - These don't always have to be direct physical threats; they can be about finances, family, or even safety. In Sleeping with the Enemy, the abuser makes it clear that any attempt to leave will result in severe consequences, keeping the victim trapped in fear.

Unpredictability - When an abuser's mood and behavior are constantly shifting, the victim is left walking on eggshells. Joker (2019) shows this with Arthur's mother, who switches between affection and cruelty, making it impossible for him to feel secure or loved.

Degrading the Victim - Verbal abuse, humiliation, and constant belittling destroy self-esteem. In Precious (2009), the main character's mother is relentlessly cruel, tearing down her daughter's confidence to the point where she feels worthless.

Setting Trivial Demands - Abusers often create arbitrary rules just to assert dominance. In Sleeping with the Enemy, the husband demands towels and canned goods be arranged in a specific way-if they aren't, he punishes his wife, reinforcing that she has no control in the relationship.

Recovering from coercive abuse isn't just about leaving the situation-it's about rebuilding a sense of self. The empowerment model, as Yip (2004) describes, helps survivors take back control of their lives in several ways:

 

Restoring Autonomy - Abuse takes away a person's ability to make decisions for themselves. The empowerment model helps survivors regain confidence in their choices, whether it's deciding to go to therapy, setting boundaries, or even exploring new life opportunities.

Validating Their Reality - Many survivors struggle with self-doubt after being manipulated for so long. A key part of healing is recognizing that their experiences were real and that the abuse was not their fault (Yip, 2004).

Rebuilding Control - Setting personal goals-whether big or small-helps survivors feel a sense of agency again. Even simple actions, like choosing what to wear or where to go, can be powerful steps toward independence.

Creating a Support System - Since abusers often isolate their victims, reconnecting with safe, supportive people is crucial. Whether it's family, friends, or support groups, having a network of people who believe in them can make a huge difference (Yip, 2004).

Developing Coping Strategies - Healing takes time, and learning new coping skills-like mindfulness, self-care, and therapy-can help survivors navigate their emotions and build resilience.

The empowerment model shifts the focus from "what happened" to "what's next," helping survivors reclaim their sense of self and move forward on their own terms. Need Assignment Help?

2. 

Coercive behavior/control are actions or patterns that are used to manipulate and control another person. Coercive control creates invisible chains, and fear that consist in their everyday life. Eventually, this limits their human right due to being deprived of freedom and decreases their actions. The movie Alice, Darling provides good examples of coercive behavior/control. Alice is a verbally abused and scared woman who is in a relationship where he coercively controls her. Simon isolates Alice from her friends and is always putting her down and making threats. He takes control of her life. Alice was able to get away to spend the weekend with her two close friends and they witnessed manipulation, mind games, and controlling behavior that had their friend on the verge of a breakdown. Alice starts to see things she was blinded to. She experiences flashbacks of being forced to have sex in the shower. He finds her and texts saying he is on his way to the cabin where she is with her two friends to get her. You can see the fear in her eyes and how scared she was. Polacko, (2022)

The empowerment model helps victims process trauma by focusing on helping victims regain autonomy, and rebuild self-esteem, and independence. This is done by:

validation: Victims feel isolated or blamed for the abuse. The empowerment model reassures them the abuse was never their fault, and helps to reframe their experiences.

Rebuilding Self-Esteem: Focusing on strengths and resilience. The model helps victims rediscover their worth.

Encouraging Independence: The model provides tools and resources to safely escape and regain control over their lives. In the movie Alice, Darling with the support and help of her friends Alice can run after he shows up to pick her up.

Processing Trauma: Through counseling and support victims can relate to the emotional scars left by actions such as degradation or unpredictability.

Coercive control is like being taken hostage and you becoming captive in a world created by your abuser where you feel trapped in a place of confusion, contradiction, and fear. When victims are empowered to make their own decisions/choices this contributes to their healing and long-term recovery. Stark, (2007)

Question for the class: What are some red flags you would notice that a person is experiencing being in a coercive controlled relationship?

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