Written a Narrative Essay based on Topic: "A Memorable Day of My life" I scored 54/60 and now I need to submit my
Final Draft: Revised Narrative Essay. Attached is my essay which I would to be revised for based on my tutor's feedback below:
Frank, this is a good story and promising narrative. The central event is clear and the story tells us what happened and how it was resolved. Two areas for revision. What is the main message? The story should illustrate a larger point. What did you learn? Not to trust people? To have faith? To keep moving even when times are tough? Any of these might be the main message. Grammar and syntax needs attention. I recommend you contact the Writing Center. You can also contact me for help or clarification.
Note: You can help add more relevant information to help enrich my essay and revise it based on my tutors feedback.
Frank Dzidula
English 122
MileStone One: Narrative Essay -Draft
Tutor: Prof Daniel DiStasio
Topic of my Essay: A Memorable Day of My life
Thesis: Thesis: The effects of recent work-related injury on my life.
Questions:
· When and where did the event occur?
· What happened on that day?
· What did you do when the incident occur?
· What was the outcome of the incident such as doctor’s diagnosis, law case, etc.
· What was the effect of the injury on your health?
· What steps did you take to resolve the issue?
· How is your life situation as at now?
It all started on April 17th, 2014, when I devoted my life to caring for the old folks who are incapacitated and are unable to provide and care for themselves. I was so excited working as a nursing assistant in a nursing facility where I had so much love and passion with much dedication for providing the basic activities of daily living care to sick old folks in the nursing home.
On that faithful day, when delegating my duties and trying to help one client who needed to be washed and dressed just after dinner. One of my female co-workers was the one assigned to provide care to that particular client but due to his aggressiveness and combativeness, she called me for help knowing that I was a man to support her to work with the client. We took this client to the bathroom where I attempted to undress the resident and upon bending down pulling his cloth, the resident got up aggressively and with a heavy fist punched onto the right side of my head and I fell and was knocked out onto the floor and had my eye black out and was unconscious at first but I managed to get up feeling severe headache, neck pain and blurriness of my eye. I reported the injury to the charge nurses and wrote an incident report. I couldn’t continue my work and I was requested to quickly go to the nearby clinic. Upon reaching the clinic, I want evaluated by the doctor and was diagnosed of Post Concussion Syndrome and severed neck problem. That day marked the turning point of my life because I noticed my life was not going to be the same since that injury.
After the entire doctor’s assessment, he took me off duty because I was declared disabled where I can’t afford to even do the work I usually do at work not even light duty work. I became more skeptical about my life because I was wondering how I would be able to survive if I can’t work to pay all my bills and my rent. Unfortunately for me, I my girlfriend was five months pregnant by then and she needed my support than ever but it turned out my pregnant lady had no choice than to work more harder to take care of the house and including her other two kids until I start receiving the little income from Worker’s Comp which I filed after the injury. Although, I have saved little money that will support me for two months, while I wait for my Worker’s Comp income.
Despite, I have filed for Worker’s Comp through my job thinking it was done, thus turned out that my job intentionally failed to submit the form to Worker’s Comp for processing. I stayed for home for a month with no pay. When contacted the job concerning my pay they just ignored me. I suffering so much pain and severe headache every minutes and I thought I was about to kick the bucket. I was so depressed and nothing absolutely makes me happy. I felt so miserable because I know I have no one to care for me if situation get to it deplorable state not even a family here in USA. I can’t walk or stand for even ten munities without feeling severe pain at my back and my neck with was even stiffed.
Then, I told a friend about my situation and he admonished me to hire a worker’s Comp Lawyer to fight my case. This idea was the best step I took and things began to turn around for good. As my lawyer requested for my medical information from my first diagnosis, it was denied that I was injured. From there my lawyer took my case. I was assigned to a new medical doctor, undergone MRI and blood work. The result from my MRI proved it all including MRI for my spine. My lawyer was very helpful and even I was assigned for physical therapy which I attended and was helpful though problem not solve.
Furthermore, my Worker’s Comp came through with some little income weekly and along with all the arrears they owe me since day one, as though, half a loaf is better than none. This income supported me while I my lawyer pursued my case. A little relief came into my life because money issue was affecting my health more as I think every day about my survival causing me severe pain since I was also diagnosed of PCS (Post Concussion Syndrome).
Briefly, my case took a long term since April 17th and finally my lawyer contacted me requesting we close the case for settlement as it will only delay my future plans if I should continue. This was because I was then in school but due to the case I had to quit school and anything else. Truly this case delayed my achievement and my academic success though learning by then was quiet difficult because of my severe headache. My job was as well ready to settle the case. As on January, 2015, my case was settled with a lump sum which was consumed by medical bills, therapy and lawyers fees. Well little is better than losing all. I was indeed graceful for what my lawyer has accomplished although my health conditions was not quiet good but just have to continue to make life a burden and do something positive with my life.
Till date, I still feel the pains at my back, yet severe headache gone and luckily I got new job and now working and managing my situation. I am happier than ever and things have changed in my life. This experience was a memorable one in my life and would forever remember that incident.