Assignment task: Answer discussion topic
Many people struggle with identity. It is sometimes hard for us to determine the truth behind our self-identity and social identity. We may feel that we are great communicators, and everyone loves us when in reality everyone finds us arrogant and judgmental. I know that reading this literature has opened my eyes to what my social identity really is. Looking in from the outside as a communicator is something everyone should do.
Our literature describes identity-forming tendencies, cocooning and criticizing. This is the part that made me stop to realize I am not the great communicator I think I am, in fact I am not the great friend that I thought I was either. One identity-forming pattern in human communication is cocooning. Cocooning is willfully avoiding people because we fear having to relate to them or because we want to make them feel bad (Schultze & Badzinski 2015). When you are cocooning others, you are often giving them the silent treatment and avoiding any communication with that person. This can happen when you feel as though that person is against you or when you feel they have done something to hurt you. The literature refers to this as a way of bullying, which I have never considered before when I am giving a person the silent treatment. It is in fact a form of ignoring and excluding a person because that person has made you feel wronged or negatively. In order to effectively communicate it is so important to be open and honest with whomever you are talking with. Hiding things or excluding a person will ultimately cause more drama and issues when instead you could talk with this person and explain exactly what is causing you to feel the way you do and get their feedback. Often times communication is just a misunderstanding on one or both parties and when you sit down as adults to discuss the issue it can easily be resolved.
The second identity-forming tendency is criticizing. Again, I know this is a big issue for me. In my own head I quickly develop an impression of the person, right or wrong, and go with that without hearing their full story first. People are really good at judging others even if those impressions are unfounded and ridiculous. Criticizing is blaming others for something that we perceive as unacceptable, often to make ourselves feel superior (Schultze & Badzinski 2015). Not all impressions will go unfounded, sometimes our feelings are correct, and the person has wronged us, and we deserve an apology or at the very least we deserve for that person to acknowledge what they have done. Sometimes the lack of good communication skills will cause us to assume that the other person is wrong because we could never make a mistake therefore it is most definitely someone else's fault.
The videos we were asked to watch showed just how easy it is to assume. The first video was such a good example of how a person can unknowingly hurt a person by assuming that they are educated on culture and know everything. I learned a long time ago that just because a person looks a certain way or that they are from a certain cultural background does not mean it is true. The lady took her first impression and ran with it, barely giving the other person a chance to respond. Once the lady did respond the first one just glossed over what she said and continued on with her "culturally diverse ideations". The second video was a great example of how you cannot judge a book by its cover. The older gentleman was so kind and understanding that you would never guess years prior he had killed someone. The high school student looked as though he would be a rough teen but deep down, he had a lot of good in him, just misunderstood. The third video was a little confusing for me. I am assuming that she was talking to someone who did not realize she was in a wheelchair and was nervous to invite the other person to run with her. If this is the case, I feel like she chose to cocoon the person and just ignore his invitation.
In the end communication is a tricky part of life. No two people are the same type of communicator, and it is so easy for us to assume we are the best communicator, and our opinions are valid. We need to become humble communicators and listen to others before we respond. We need to take other feelings into consideration and let them tell us their side of the story before judging. Communication is a much bigger issue for many people however they are unable to see this from the inside. Everyone should take a step back and see yourself from another point of view.