Counselling involves a process, the aim of which is to help others to help themselves by making better choices and becoming better choosers of options. The counsellor's repertoire of skills includes those of forming an understanding relationship, as well as interventions, focused on helping clients change specific aspects of their feeling, thinking and acting.
In a counselling relationship, the counsellor and client work together to explore every aspect of the client's circumstances, enabling the individual to re-evaluate his or her experiences, capabilities and potential.
Counsellors facilitate full and confidential expression of the client's feelings, without diverting any attention to their own feelings.
The responsibility for change is placed with the client. This means that when changes are made, they are self-motivated, and therefore more likely to last and to be effective. Self-reliance is a central tenet of counselling.
The counsellor is perhaps the first person that the individual has met for a long time who truly listens without prejudice and whom he or she can trust completely.
First, when questioning, the counselor should ask questions to encourage the counselee's participation. The questions should be few, but direct the counsellee toward a solution. Avoid "why" questions because they can cause the counsellee to become defensive. Also, avoid questions where the counsellee could simply answer "yes" or "no". The counsellor should strive to keep the counsellee talking.
Next, would be to sympathize i.e. encouragement by making simple statements of support that reassure the counsellee that the counsellor is genuinely there to help. This can include statements like, "I see this is a difficult situation for you". This technique will help keep the session from stalling if the counsellee becomes angry or withdraws.
Finally, the counsellor should be aware that nonverbal behavior-body language (actions, gestures, or even tone of voice) can distract the counselee. Crossing your arms or frowning can cause the counsellee to withdraw or become angry. Sitting behind a desk, a counsellor can come across as domineering. Instead, sit at two chairs on the same side of the table. A comfortable setting goes a long way toward an effective counselling session. Additionally, the counsellor should be aware of the body language coming from the counsellee. For example, clenched fists may indicate unwillingness to open up. These techniques are best employed as part of a counselling plan.